Feeling Safe and Loved

What it is:
People with a secure attachment style generally feel comfortable with intimacy and independence. They trust their partners and themselves, creating balanced and healthy relationships.

Markers of Secure Attachment:

You’re comfortable depending on others and letting them depend on you.

Trusting others comes naturally.

You can communicate your feelings honestly and openly.

Conflict feels like a chance to work together, not a threat.

In Romantic Relationships:

You’re not afraid to be vulnerable with your partner.

You support your partner’s goals while maintaining your independence.

Arguments don’t lead to panic or withdrawal—you know the relationship can handle it.

You feel confident that your partner values and loves you.

The Bottom Line:
Secure attachment creates a foundation of trust, communication, and emotional closeness. It’s what we all strive for in relationships!

Fear of Being Left

What it is:
Anxious attachment is marked by a deep fear of abandonment or not being loved enough. You may crave constant reassurance from your partner and feel worried they’ll leave, even if there’s no evidence.

Markers of Anxious Attachment:

You need frequent validation and reassurance.

You often overthink texts, conversations, or actions.

You might fear rejection or abandonment, even in a secure relationship.

You feel a lot of emotions all at once, especially during conflicts.

In Romantic Relationships:

You may worry that your partner doesn’t love you as much as you love them.

You sometimes feel clingy or overly dependent on your partner.

Conflict might make you feel desperate to fix things immediately.

You find it hard to focus on anything else when you sense distance from your partner.

The Bottom Line:
Anxious attachment can lead to intense emotions, but recognizing these patterns is the first step to creating healthier relationships.

Keeping Your Guard Up

What it is:
Avoidant attachment involves a fear of depending on others or letting them get too close. You value independence so much that emotional intimacy may feel overwhelming.

Markers of Avoidant Attachment:

You feel uncomfortable relying on others.

You may dismiss or downplay emotions, especially your own.

You prefer to solve problems on your own rather than with a partner.

You value your space and alone time—maybe a little too much.

In Romantic Relationships:

You might avoid emotional conversations or vulnerability.

When conflict arises, your instinct is to shut down or walk away.

You value independence to the point of pushing your partner away.

You may feel smothered by partners who need a lot of emotional connection.

The Bottom Line:
Avoidant attachment can make relationships challenging, but understanding your need for space and finding balance can help create stronger bonds.

The Push-and-Pull Dynamic

What it is:
Disorganized attachment is a mix of anxious and avoidant styles, often stemming from inconsistent caregiving or trauma. It creates a push-pull dynamic: wanting closeness but fearing it at the same time.

Markers of Disorganized Attachment:

You feel conflicted about intimacy—you want it but also fear it.

Trusting others feels risky, and you might worry about being hurt.

You might behave unpredictably, sometimes pulling close and other times pushing away.

Emotions can feel overwhelming and hard to manage.

In Romantic Relationships:

You crave closeness but may self-sabotage by pulling away when things get too intense.

Arguments can feel chaotic, and you may struggle to calm down afterward.

You might send mixed signals, confusing your partner.

It’s hard to feel safe in the relationship, even when things are good.

The Bottom Line:
Disorganized attachment can make relationships feel like a rollercoaster, but with self-awareness and effort, you can work toward healing and stability.